Waking up in the morning is a test for all of us—no matter how many times we tell ourselves we’re going to be more productive tomorrow. From the moment the alarm starts screaming, it’s war. In this lighthearted, easily relatable blog, we break down the 7 Stages of Getting Out of Bed. From that nasty alarm clock turning down your dreadful wake-up call to finally embracing your death and waking up to greet the day, well, at least coffee, this little endeavor is full of hilarious and living moments for us all.
It starts with denial. That’s when you say to your brain “just five more minutes,” then the bargaining stage where you fool yourself that those five extra minutes will have everything turn out fine, then the physical struggle to get up when your body has been stuck to the bed like glue. We start with the cold awakening when you enter the room and it gets really cold; then there is the point of self-reflection wherein you ask yourself, why you do this.
Then comes the energizing stage, when coffee (or whatever your preferred wake-up ritual is) saves the day, and finally, you’ve reached acceptance. You’ve made it out of bed-now you’re ready to face the world (well, at least until the next snooze button call).
This rather goofy take on the morning routine offers a comedic view on what is, really, an ubiquitously experienced exercise in getting your day started. Whether you’ve managed to wriggle your face off the mattress without getting stuck, spent half an hour wrestling clothes over your arms, or feel you’re having little battles in your morning routine, this blog will make you feel heard and hopefully, chuckled your way out the door!
The 7 Stages of Getting Out of Bed in the Morning
Ah, mornings. That glorious time of day when you’re supposed to be fresh, energized, and, dare I say, global-conquering ready. But the first hurdle for most of us is getting out of bed. If you’re anything like me, the mere thought of getting up after a good night’s sleep fills you with existential dread. It’s like your bed is this kind of gravitational pull, taking you in despite your protests and telling yourself things like, “I’ll be fine. I’ll get up in five minutes.”
Let’s face it: The battle to get out of bed is very real, and most of us are having that battle every day. But what happens in those first few moments when the alarm has been blaring? Well, denial, negotiation, and quite a bit of emotional gymnastics come into play. Here is a lighthearted takedown of the 7 Stages of Getting Out of Bed in the Morning.
1. Denial: The Alarm? What Alarm?
But you hear it. That infernal buzzing sound piercing the stillness of the morning. The alarm. Your first instinct is to ignore it. Maybe if you just hit the snooze button one more time, you can squeeze in a few more minutes of precious sleep. That’s right, “five more minutes.” You promise yourself every day that you’ll be fine—after all, this isn’t the first time you’ve been late. You can totally pull this off.
Your hand involuntarily pushes under the warm blankets to search around blindly for your phone or alarm clock because even though you’ve set it on repeat every 10 minutes, the idea of it ringing again is going to make your half-asleep brain jolt with panic. Just one more hit of sleep. Maybe if you pretend it’s the weekend, it will be the weekend.
This phase can take from 30 seconds to 10 minutes, depending on how ambitious you are about being late.
2. The Bargaining Stage: Five More Minutes, Please?
Fine, fine. You’re awake now. The alarm stopped ringing, and you’re aware of the fact that you have responsibilities, meetings, or perhaps even breakfast to attend to. Still, the idea of getting up, facing the cold air in the room, or even contemplating the overwhelming task of starting the day doesn’t seem in the cards for you. Sure, five more minutes won’t hurt.
You are negotiating with yourself, whispering things like, “If I get up five minutes from now, I will make coffee, and coffee will make everything all right.” Or “If I sleep just a little longer, I will be fine; I will be more productive.” Truth is, those five minutes never actually seem to make you more productive, but you just keep telling yourself you don’t have to face the world for another five minutes.
So the bargaining stage is full of self-deceit-you could tell yourself you do not need that much sleep. But deep down you know you are falling for the trap. However, your brain just would not let go of that moment of peace, no matter how brief. Time slips away. Some more minutes slide by.
3. The Physical Struggle: Pulling Yourself Out of the Comfort Zone
Okay, five minutes. Finally, it has arrived. And yet, getting out of bed was certainly not as easy as it should have been. This is the part of the process that may only be referred to as an out-of-body experience. Your brain is aware that it’s time to get up, but your body? Couldn’t care less.
You literally wrinkle up under the sheet and try to make your legs understand that it’s time to get off the bed and land on the floor. But your body-all huddled beneath its warm blankets-is in no way ready to meet the cold reality that forms in the morning. You start bargaining with your limbs, telling one of them, “I’ll just bring out one foot; okay?” Then you try to push the other one. The struggle is hard.
You lie there thinking of how it is possible that your body feels this heavy when you’ve been sleeping for hours. Just the other day, wasn’t your bed a peaceful luxurious cocoon of warmth? Now it’s a place of resistance filled with unseen forces pulling you back down with every inch you try to move.
At some point you slowly feel the floor beneath your feet after what may feel like an Herculean effort. “Success.” you declare to yourself, not getting too carried away in celebration. It’s actually farther down the road.
4. The Truth Moment: The Cold Wake-Up Call
This is the part where you step out into the cold, unforgiving air outside your warm blanket cocoon. It’s always a shock to be leaving the warmth of your bed, because, like a sudden splinter, the cool morning air hits your skin like a bucket of icy water. It is then that you come to the true realization: You’re awake.
The world is still hazy and blurry at this stage, while your body is in denial mode. You can’t think of how to dress or even make breakfast; it’s just impossible. All you can think of is the fact that your bed is probably the coziest, most comfortable place on earth-and you left it. Now, all you can do is focus on how badly you want to get back to the safe confines of your sheets.
That is, in theory, this is when you jump out of bed immediately and set up your morning routine. Of course, in the real world, this is when you would be mentally counting how many minutes you can still spend on your phone scrolling through memes because you do not want to become fully conscious of waking up.
5. The Self-Reflection Stage: Why Am I Like This?
And you arrive at the bathroom, staring at your image in the mirror, trying to wake both your body and your mind with a splash of icy water. You are up against it, and you keep asking yourself that silly old question of childhood: Why am I like this?
It’s the morning hour when you start thinking about all the choices you made for your life, all the sleep patterns you have followed, and how many times you had to hit that snooze button over the past couple of weeks. Did I really need that extra hour of sleep last night? Why did I not go to bed earlier?
As you stand there trying to force yourself out of bed, it looks at you giving you those judgy glances that say, Seriously? You could have gotten up 30 minutes ago. But that is just the sleep deprivation talking. You don’t have the emotional capacity to deal with that now, so you move on.
6. The Energizing Stage: A Sip of Coffee (Or Whatever Keeps You Going)
Now, actually, the real savior of the morning is caffeine. Finally, lurch over to the kitchen, barely able to form coherent half-decent sentences, and start in on the sacred ritual of brewing coffee, tea, or whatever your drink of choice is to fuel your soul. That’s going to be your rescuer.
The first sip of coffee is a little miracle. Brain cells begin to flicker back to life, and you start to remember how to stand and how to be. Your body has forgotten how to do these things. You feel a spark of hope—Maybe today won’t be so bad?
You’re not quite awake yet, but each sip somehow makes you start to feel like a human being again. The fog is slowly beginning to clear and grogginess is starting to lift, and you can begin to tackle some of the tasks that you will have to face in the day. Of course, there’s a long road ahead, but at least now you are not operating on autopilot anymore.
7. Acceptance: Ready to Face the Day (Sort of)
You see, by now you’re probably okay with the idea that you, in fact, are awake. You will put clothes on, brush your teeth, and even grab an actual breakfast-and not just that granola bar (maybe). Well, you now officially entered the last stage of morning survival: Acceptance.
You’re not too stoked about the rest of today, but you can tolerate it. You survived the great battle of getting out of bed and will now function at about 60% for the next few hours. You’re ready to head to work, check your emails, and pretend to be a well-rested responsible adult.
Sure, you probably will need another coffee break in an hour, but right now, you’re officially out of bed and on your way to winning the morning. For now, that’s enough.
Conclusion
Getting out of bed in the morning is a journey, one filed with denials, struggle, and small victories. It is a test of willpower and energy that most of us fail miserably but keep attempting day after day. If you can identify with any of these stages, don’t worry—you are not alone. What matters most is that, eventually, you get up, even with some negotiation, a few rounds of self-reflection, and a cup (or three) of coffee to get you going. So the next time you find yourself battling the sheets, just remember: It’s okay. You’re doing great, and the day will eventually get better—just after one more cup of coffee.
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